Crazy Christmas Carol

December started yesterday, and already certain people who live in households with overly-enthusiastic holiday celebrators are tired of the Pandora Christmas channel and the scent of pine that’s permeated since the day after Thanksgiving (otherwise known as the first day the Christmas tree lot is open). You know who you are. If you’re tired of hearing about all of the Christmas tree lightings and watching adults prance around in tights at The Nutcracker isn’t your idea of a jolly good time, we have got a treat for you. Behold, a list of some of the most wacky, weird and scandalous ways for you to get into the holiday spirit. This might even save Christmas for the grinches.

  • The Slutcracker: The Somerville Theater has always been awesome (because it serves beer), but this takes it to the next level. Opening tomorrow, the Slutcracker is a burlesque version of The Nutcracker. Fox25 insists it’s “destined to be a holiday classic” and one news outlet even asked, “Why can’t a well-made dance have sluts in it, and hula hoops?” OK, it’s a little untraditional and a lot uncouth, but in fact The Slutcracker is a professional, well-produced dance show that will definitely wake up your holiday spirit.
  • Knotty Holiday Party At the Russell House Tavern in Cambridge, they understand that whiskey is a great stress reliever. So on December 14th, just as the holiday nerves are starting to mount, you still don’t have a present for your dad, and the realization that we’re in for another four long months of winter sets in, head over to this party, sponsored by The Knot Irish Whiskey. Special Knot Irish Whiskey cocktails will warm you up and treats and sweets form the kitchen will keep your Christmas season from turning sour.
  • The Santa Speedo Run: On December 11th, thousands of people will take to the streets–women in bikinis, men in SPEEDOS–and run a mile for the Santa Speedo Run. The upsides to this are endless. First of all, thank goodness the run takes place a couple of weeks before Christmas. No one wants to see Santa’s belly jiggle like a bowl of jelly post-Christmas meal! Secondly, when else can you participate in a ONE MILE JOG? Best race ever. But if that’s not enough, these scantily clad Santas are running for charity. This year, their donations benefit The Starlight Children’s Foundation, Play Ball Foundation and Hospitality Homes. You, the furry green guy trying to steal Christmas? I’m looking at you. Even you can’t deny the seasonal lift of a half-naked jog that benefits the kids!

So there you have it. Three ways to beat Christmas if the holiday season is just too darn cheerful for you. And remember, if the holiday music just gets to be too much for you, mix yourself up a stiff Peppermint Martini and do your best to enjoy doing the Jingle Bell Rock. You might even be able to enjoy the songs of the season with today’s CoupMe deal from Boston Mobile Massage, where they’ll come to YOU to treat you to a one-hour massage in your home or office.

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